She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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