Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
