Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
