My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
