My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
