I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
