His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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