If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
