like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
where am i from again
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
