Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My life is pants optional.
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