we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
