I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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