Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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