Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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