so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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