I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
