There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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