So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
