im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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