your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
