I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
