i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
