textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
