dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
