At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
