I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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