I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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