I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
