Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
