Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We named our party play list daddy issues
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
