I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
