wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
