The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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