It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
