I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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