Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
