My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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