we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
worst night to have a conscience
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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