toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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