I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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