yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Couch. On fire.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
