pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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