Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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