is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
