you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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