How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
