You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
be right there i have to get my cape
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
