Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
