tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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