and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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