I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
