Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
