WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
