Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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