I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
