If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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