Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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