dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
