It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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